It took me a while until I realised why. Why I am suddenly so happy. It wasn’t that sort of happiness that comes from outside. It wasn’t caused directly by something. It came from not having anything negative in my life. And it suddenly felt free.
This was probably the first week ever, when I wasn’t stressed, worried, in rush nor anxious about anything. Everything was natural. The little wrinkle from my forehead was gone and I smiled on the world quietly through my eyes. I always overcompensate my quiet inside with being loud outside. Last week I met few new people and somehow it clicked straight away. I felt comfortable. And it felt like I knew them since ever. The world will never be a perfect place to be. It never was but I don’t expect it to be. I had a beautiful time, but on another hand it’s been really long 11 days without my husband and Mr. Cat. But if you can’t be happy on your own in a first place, you will never be happy with someone else. People nor things can’t bring you happiness. It is you in a first place. You and your inner freedom.
Living in a beautiful place, having passion and time to live your dreams in your free time. Sounds like a lot. What about not living on or for holidays? But live the life you found on the way, that everything ever before was leading you to that place. What if you are only scared of yet another change. Well, I’m going to make it happen. The worst thing that can happen instead is you watching me fail.
And here I was, Chamonix local for a week. 30 seconds walk to work rather than hour on packed train. Doing laundry in lunchtime and dry it in the sun. And actually getting my work done. Without pressure. Rather knowing that once I’m done, the mountains are waiting for me at the backyard. Just reach the hand and you are free. Just look up and there are friendly faces. Message your friend and actually meet the same evening. Simple things. Normal things. Things you forgot about because it will be soon 5 years in London. I forgot to live. I forgot that you can live. It was like realising you are pain free after long time of injury. When you’ve got so used to it, that you don’t notice the pain anymore. Only when it’s gone, you know.
We need to be more in mountains. They are honest, true, pure. They give you back what you bring to them. They won’t answer your questions but maybe you will realise you don’t even need those questions in first place.
If you are angry, you lose focus.
If you don’t focus, you will fall.
If you shout, only echo will reply.
Say hello to the tree that got into your way.
Stop and observe wild animals.
Stop and observe how present you are.
Stop and realise you are free.
And if this won’t make you happy, nothing will.