The Path. The Fear. The New Beginnings.

This sounds like some inspirational shit you should write a blog about – he told me while we were fighting. Fighting yet again. This is not to prove the point how different we were, this is my vent. My fiction that was always fraction of the reality.

The inspirational shit was me saying that our relationship is like watering a dead plant. Not only it won’t bring it to life but it will also make everything around it rotten.

I made my dream come true. I made it. Moved to mountains. Kept my job in London. Started from scratch, yet again. Created a world around me. Built a community. Made new friends. Fell in love in winter. Learned to ski – just about. Settled down. Found where I belong. I found my home. One could say that there was always one piece of puzzle missing. But I came to realise I don’t miss it.

The girl who overwaters plant because she doesn’t know when to stop giving. And the plant died. How can you stop loving someone when it was something you were building for years? Sand castles washed away. And suddenly you don’t have the strength to rebuild. You don’t want to. It is just gone.

When pain inside of you grows and it is consumed by emptiness, you can feel there is a breaking point coming up. Then it breaks. Inside of you. Just like that. Even when you can still smile and function on the outside. As if it never happened. But inside, the damage was done.

Sure. You can glue it together. Force it. Like broken vase. Which will look great as decoration. But you can’t use it. There are cracks. And you know. And you don’t know what to do.

Being the one that makes the decision sucks. It is not easier. You question yourself. You know you are destroying someone’s life. Someone’s belief. Someone’s world. But you can not build anything without a base. It will fall apart no matter how hard you try. Because trying doesn’t seem to be working anymore.

There’s no twist in plot. No hate, no cheating, no one’s fault. Everyone’s fault. When love just dies.

I may be in the shadow, but the sun is warming up my skin slowly.

I got this. Hope he does as well.

Here, to new beginnings. No matter how hard they are.



One Comment Add yours

  1. doodlemarti says:

    Taking such a hard decision isn’t easy at all, and I think you’ve never thought it could happen, but then, here it is. Turn the page, and look forward…To your new life, to your new beginning, to a new sunrise and all the other sunsets that will follow. A big hug.


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